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Editor: Geldar Prope
Misrepresenting the facts since 1461. |
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February, Year of Our Lord 1464
Issue 12 |
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Lush Mounts Throne!
Mordavian citizens may be surprised to learn of a coup in the fae Eastern Court. Princess Fuchsia Blossom of the realm, well-known during the last Feast of the Ascension of Erana held in Berium as Flossy the Drunken Fae, has seized control of the kingdom with the aide of her new paramour, Tartarian, head of the Royal Guard.
Better know for her imbibing and licentious habits while in Berium, the Princess returned to the Eastern Court to find it besieged by demons. Members of the royal family appear to have suffered an irrevocable demonic possession and were banished in the coup to the mythic Elysian Fields.
“She chucked the lot of them out, stark naked – but not till they’d had their wings and tongues lopped off,” saffron trader Magnolia told our correspondent.
The demons are believed to have been using the Eastern Court as a staging post in their attacks on the faery realm and elven lands, and were dispatched under the terms of the truce against the Dark One into the care of a demon commander visiting Lunca. This double dealing with the demons was apparently constrained to the immediate royal family.
Queen Fuchsia Blossom is understood to have sent formal apologies to the Seelie and Unseelie Courts for her family’s role in recent atrocities. No wedding date has yet been set between her and her consort Tartarian. “I wish they’d just get on with it,” said Magnolia. “It should be a right-royal booze up!”
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Queen Fuschia Blossom and Prince Tartarian’s Coronation
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Arson in Eranov
The offices of the Mordavian Truth were recently burned down by a group of unknown ruffians who took pains to smash up the printing presses and destroy unsold copies while they were about it. Fortunately, none of the Truth's staff were permanently maimed, and a nearby troop of the Prince of Eranov's Guard was able to prevent the fire from spreading to other buildings.
The Truth has moved to bigger and brighter offices and is back in business, better than ever. Please direct all correspondance to our new address at the Sign of the Serpent. We would like to respectfully thank His Highness the Prince of Eranov for maintaining the Guard in such good order that damage from the attack was kept to a minimum.
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Page 2
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Let Slip the Dogs of War
The Truth has lately gathered numerous reports that indicate a rise in the number of rogue armies currently camped within the bounds of our fair kingdom. To date this humble researcher of matters military has discovered no less than three such groups, wandering the landscape with impunity, seeking agendas of their own, and terrorising honest hard working (not to mention, tax paying) folk.
Firstly questions must be asked concerning the lack of developments in the Sylvanian situation. Reports had been received of a vampire lord, possibly posing as one Miz’re’hem, campaigning with a force comprised of both undead and Dark One cultists seeking something of an as yet undisclosed nature somewhere in Sylvania. Rumours persist that an artifact of some power resides within ruins of a monastery, and said speculators have linked their search to this unidentified magical relic. Were these also the craven bunch responsible for the foul death of Sylvania's own Baron Vasili? It is too soon to tell - but the old Baron's vizier Sydosma assures us that inquiries are well in train, though to date this force has neither been challenged nor accurately trailed.
In supposed counter to this threat, one Paladin Miriel, formerly of the Temple of Erana, has made a call to the faithful. However, on completion of the muster she and some other members of the temple set forth to Jurrawicca supposedly to negotiate some deal for assistance.
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This reporter finds it curious that this new army, supposedly led by one who has dedicated their lives to the service of Erana, has openly changed colours. No longer do her forces wear the rowan branch, but a rather tasteful crescent-moon-and-rowan-tree combination. And just what will a proven gypsy-intolerant elven paladin, veteran of the war against the Werewolf King Grymhallac, do with such an army of willing followers? Gyspydom beware perhaps? (Again?)
Lastly what in the name of all that’s holy is a tartar? Hordes of these furry-hat-wearing, sullen, and dark skinned men have been seen camping within the bounds of Borsa, following a leader who named himself as Count Featherhall. This reporter, having seen examples of these men, can assure the gentle reader they are indeed well trained in war craft, dour, disciplined, and most definitely NOT from these parts. While it is known that this foreign count had come to Mordavia seeking, as he claimed, a wanted criminal, it transpired that this criminal was in fact the lawful holder of patent and title to lands beyond the boundaries of our fair kingdom, and only survivor of a massacre instigated by this Count to obtain said lands.
Three armies owing no loyalty to king or temple now camp themselves around our towns and forests all bent on their own crusades. Like all sensible citizens, The Truth fears that the drumbeat of war will be heard in our fair lands once more.
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Page 3
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Famine in the North
Mass Migrations
The peasants of the Northen lands are moving South en masse. Hit hard by the loss of arable farmland to the Swamp and the closure of the central Berium trade route, wide spread famine is forcing these humble farmers and tradesmen to give up their lands and possessions so that they might look for better things.
While some have found shelter in Eranov, the Pearl of the North, and the more northern County of Dareen, most have been making the risky trek around the edges of Mordavia. Travellers are advised to avoid taking the Floating Road south – while old maps show a road all the way to Carpathia, in fact the section south of Berium has been effectively impassable since the fall of Valea Sarii just over a year ago.
The leaders of Eranov, His Highness the Prince, the Eranov Guild Council, and the Temple of Erana have all expressed confidence in the ability of the recent dyke project in holding back the Swamp from our fair city of white towers, scholars and artistic achievement. More cynical residents have expressed concern however, and looking askance at the severely reduced farmland and noxious fluid lapping at the walls are starting to join the migration.
Several other northern towns are likewise experiencing difficulties. Dareen is expected to cope well after the massive walls ordered built by the Count, however towns such as Eneldore and Thorland are already suffering from dyke failure.
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Where In The World Is Belinda Peregrinus?
Her Royal Highness, the Princess Belinda Peregrinus, is rumoured to be missing. Said to be distraught since the tragic death of her mother, the Lady has been keeping to her rooms for some time now. However, The Truth’s confidential source in the Palace has suggested that the Princess has taken leave of Carpathia and is wandering Mordavia disguised as a commoner. The Truth is no position to substantiate this rumour, but wishes Her Highness well, wheresoever she may be.
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Court Reports
The strange affair of the Steward of Berium has finally been settled by the Prince of Eranov. The former Steward (last seen making unprovoked attacks on the Order of Erana’s main Temple) was deposed by the Prince and ordered under house arrest under the guard of Berium’s own Lieutenant Sebastien Creed. While this surprised onlookers greatly, Magister Offenbach, the judge hearing the case stated that as the self-styled ‘Hellbringer’ claimed to have some role in the fate of Berium, it was the will of the royal family that he be permitted to carry out whatever tasks he might that would help secure the forsaken town. The openly evil former Steward is advised to take care, however – his guard has orders to kill him outright should he become a threat to public safety again.
Lady Alia, one of the leaders of the Order of Erana, declined to comment on the judgement.
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Page 4
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The Curious Incident of the Stag in the Forest
Hunters in Tetrigrue Forest were bewildered recently by sightings of a mysterious White Hart, bounding through the woods and evading all capture by spear, pit-trap, or pure maiden. The King's Rangers are pursuing it avidly, expressing a worry that the white-coated sport is a mutation caused by the evil miasma of the Swamp. One Elf denied this, stating that it was "Far too pretty to be Swamp-spawn." Another eye-witness believed it to be some mysterious forest lord's pet, and mentioned a golden collar with writing on it as proof: "Yeah, mate, it said 'Noli me tangerine' - some kind of citrus fruit, anyway. Gimme some more beer."
Lover's Head Found In Basil Pot
Residents of Eranov were shocked when Anietta Negri (17), a woman of the city, was discovered to have been hiding the rotting head of her ex-lover, Tomas Blanco, in one of her many pot-plants. This was discovered when a freak gust of wind blew a curtain against the pot, knocking it to the cobbles in front of an itinerant seller of spoons. It shattered, revealing its grisly contents.
Anietta's brother Angelo comments: "This is revolting - I disown her! Oh sure, me and Gualtieri killed that son of a leprous dog for compromising her honour, but some things are beyond the pale!" Angelo and Gualtieri (another brother) have since been remanded by the Eranov Guard for questioning re a murder trial.
The finder of the head, Sissy Spoons, says: "Mmmm, basil."
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Classifieds
"And to rise in the world he carried a hod..."
Master Builder Timothy Finnegan is looking for extra hands in his masonry business. Skilled hands and experienced foremen will receive premium wages, unskilled labour guaranteed food and board (hot meals our specialty) and training in a high-growth professional area, skill-based incentives included. Learn as you earn.
Contact the Finnegan, Finnegan, & Sons Masonry Guild House, Thommin Street, Carpathia; Staircase Avenue, Eranov.
Spices and unguents and preserves, oh my!
Myri nic Nevyn, a trader in rare spices, oils, and other culinary delicacies from far off lands is pleased to bring to you the fruits of her journeying, carried with great toil from the sun-drenched cities of the exotic east.
Cassia bark grown in the throbbing heat of exotic Araby. Wonderful for all manner of confections it is, not to mention a number of subtle healing properties for those poor nobles with the sugar-sickness.
Saffron drawn from the valleys of the Indus river. More precious than gemstones in some parts. A subtle flavouring for grain dishes, but the wise fakirs of the Indies know its powers to open a man's mind.
Cloves from the southernmost tip of Spain. They flavour sweet and savoury dishes alike - protecting against the sickness that comes from food past its freshness, and handy to have around for relieving aches of tooth and head as well. And as a breath freshener.
No contract too big or small - Myri nic Nevyn delights in supplying nobles and householders of substance both.
Taste The World Today!!!
Credits
Scribing by Stephanie Pegg, Catherine Pegg, Kath Dewar and David Harrup.
Woodcuts by www.godecookery.com
Printed by the Hastings Amateur Assassins Association (Wellington Chapter)
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