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Editor: Geldar Prope
Misrepresenting the facts since 1461. |
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October, Year of Our Lord 1463
Issue 10 |
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Borsa Evacuating!
Sir Lucien, the Steward of Borsa, has ordered the Swamp-bound town evacuated. A shambling army of ghouls has been besieging the town walls with rusty weapons and their bare rotting flesh, and they are gradually crumbling. The walls, that is. Sir Lucien has declared Borsa uninhabitable and lined the Floating Road north with members of the King's Guard to protect the townsfolk who are gradually departing towards Eranov and Dareen.
Sir Lucien has given up hope for his fief
A small group of townsfolk are refusing to leave, led by the Count Featherhall, a stranger to Mordavia who arrived in Borsa shortly after the last Koliada with a unit of elite Tartar warriors. This evacuation bodes ill for the fate of the Floating Road - with its northern fort gone, the remaining trade route into Berium seems likely to evaporate into the Swamp. Or should we say rot?
While Count Featherhall wants to stand and fight!
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Hoven Breakout!
A unit of Royal Guard based in the Tetrigrue Forest were demolished by large numbers of Dark One followers, nightmares and other monsters from the blackest pit that is Hoven. As our readers will recall, the once peaceful Barony of Hoven was overrun early last year by overwhelming numbers and has since been used as a military base by the Forces of Evil in Southern Mordavia.
The King has been trying to contain the vile monsters, but a group was able to break out of the ring of soldiers quarantining them and appears to be heading northwards. Some highly placed military experts have speculated that they may be aiming for the large and growing swamp around Berium. Sergeant John Cooper of the Swamp Division of the Guard confirmed that there have, as yet, been no actual sightings of the Hoven contingent but added "Lady, there's too much Swamp for us to even think about patrolling it all. We're chronically understaffed and those swamprats could be dancing a tango five miles away. You get me another thousand men and then I'll tell you if there're more Dark Ones in the Swamp."
The Swamp Guards have been fighting a last ditch battle of their own, made worse by the fall of Valea Sarii ten months ago. Cooper said that the Dark Ones were using its forts as a base inside the Swamp and that trade would not be able to resume through the centre of Mordavia until Valea Sarii was recovered and the southern branch of the economically vital Floating Road rebuilt. Currently, the bulk of the Royal Guard is being used to contain Hoven, making the prospect of retaking Valea Sarii in the near future very slim indeed. When our reporter mentioned the planned abandonment of Borsa, Cooper simply shook his head grimly.
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Page 2
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Von Braun Bashes Bandits
Count Eric Von Braun recently undertook a highly dangerous mission to clear out bandits from his domain. Bandits have long been a serious tax on the population of Dareen, however the raids have increased in frequency and severity following devastating forest fires set by Von Braun. The Count stated that he set the fires deliberately, as he believed that removing the vast tracts of deep woods that were sheltering the outlaws would eliminate them. This was unfortunately not successful, bandit attacks increased after the fires, presumably because the remaining and now homeless bandits were becoming desperate in the cold northen winter.
The most vicious bandit, the chieftain Ghita Hammerhead, staged a violent attack on the town of Dareen a bare two weeks ago, carrying off many hostages. The Count Von Braun swore then to wipe the bandits out entirely, rescuing as many villagers as possible. He took a select unit of his personal Guard, as well as Lady Dariyan, Ambassador of the Western Elves, Snider of Hoven and Star Subar, a ranking member of the Iron Fist Mercenary Guild and his personal bodyguard. Most interestingly, while en route, Von Braun knighted Snider of Hoven and declared him the new heir of Dareen. The Truth has not yet been able to find out the King of Mordavia’s opinion on this surprising and unannounced adoption.
After many travails, Von Braun’s mission was ultimately successful. Notably, he defeated the vicious Hammerhand in single combat that the humour of the gods favoured him in this, although his party took one major casualty, Star Subar. They were only able to retrieve one hostage, Asta Forger of Dareen, who had been well treated by the bandits due to her skills at healing. Asta showed exceptional fortitude and daring by using the distraction of the approaching party to escape from the bandits and bring Von Braun information
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on their numbers and location in what must have been a terrifying run through tangled, pitch black woods. The other kidnapped villagers are presumed to have been sold as slaves to unethical buyers and Von Braun is currently trying to trace them.
Disturbingly, as well as bandits, the woods of Dareen are also now infested with the Cult of the Sun – a group of vampires worshipping the deceased Vampire Lord Mis’re’hem. The Truth hopes that they have no nefarious plots in hand to bring back Mis’re’hem whose spirit is rumoured to live on in Count Von Braun.
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Bigger and Brighter Bake Sale
Despite the Temple of Erana's recently closed doors, plans for its annual bake sale are going ahead, bigger and brighter than ever before. Lady Matilde, Accountant and Chief Exorcist of the Order states: "Yes, the cake that's the main prize for the raffle has twenty-three eggs in it this year, carved into a replica of our much-loved Eranov, Jewel of the North. Truly, it is an 'extravaganza', well worth the price of a ticket... We're putting off plans for fixing the plumbing with the funds brought in for one more year, and dedicated them instead to the dyke and wall project around our city. Though the Prince and other noble backers have committed their support to the project (Erana bless them), we are hoping to extend the wall to include farmland and 'every little bit helps'. If you wish to support the project, you are welcome to donate labour, goods, or buy yourself a little pastry on the 31st of October."
Other members of the Order, Paladin Miriell and Brother Filianor, have apparently gone as far as the Elven lands to gain funding, though they refused to comment on the success of their efforts or, indeed, why their symbols of Erana have changed from the classic Rowan Sprig.
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Page 3
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The Old Soldier And The 'Never-Dying'
Eranov's own Temple of Erana was recently visited by Star Subar, Vampire and retainer of the Count of Dareen, and Lt. Sebastian Creed of the Berium Guard, to consult with the priests and priestesses of Erana in matters of obscure history. While there, they were extremely helpful to the clergy of the Temple, assisting in several matters. Most noticeably, they found some stones emanating essential evil under the holy artifacts of Erana. In addition, the couple appeared to have become extremely close: the pair progressed from Significant Looks, through Hand-Holding, Hugging, and Kissing, all the way to Cradling In Arms. Indeed, the Lieutenant declared the fierce and beautiful Vampire the "love of my life!"
Witnesses' opinions were mixed: some thought Vampire/Mortal love a little kinky, while others considered the couple very sweet, although they were worried by Creed’s habit of staggering home in the wee small hours with the Lady Mathilde, both stinking of brandy - no doubt imbibed for medicinal purposes.
Tragically, their love, already hampered by the May-to-December-ishness of their relationship is not to be. Star Subar was killed (permanently that is) while on a mission for the Count of Dareen. The Count said that Subar “bore a soul as noble as the most holy warriors. She died with her face to the flames.” Her last words were: “If I am hell bound, I go with my honour intact ... for you shall precede me!”
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The enigmatic Vampire, who had only recently appeared in Mordavia, joined the ranks of the Iron Fist Mercenary Guild as a common soldier and rapidly worked her way up the ranks. Truly, such a warrior is a loss to our country. Star Subar's body is lying in state at Storm Keep in Dareen, awaiting full funeral rites. Lt. Creed was unavailable for comment.
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ADVERTISEMENT
It's after midnight.
You haven't slept in days; the mud is up to your arse; your shoulders ache from heavy armour. As the monsters rise once more from the mirk your sergeant shouts:
Hold The Effing Line!!!
It's the best time of your life.
The Berium Guard wants YOU to stand, shoulder-to-shoulder, back-to-back, with us, your brothers and sisters in spirit. Band with us now to uphold the right, protect the weak, and smite the Dark Ones.
Helmet, armour, shield, and Guard tunic provided (guaranteed fumigated). Own bunk in secure, waterproof barracks, must supply own boots.
If I should not see the dawn.
Then say this over my Pyre.
You died my son like a Guardsman.
With your face towards the fire.
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Page 4
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The Flitter-Flutter of Little Wings
The Baroness of Berium, Mistletoe, recently gave birth to a bright and beautiful baby. Though there were complications in the delivery, both mother and child are apparently doing just fine! There has been some confusion as to the father of the infant, alas - though Baroness Mistletoe has repeatedly stated that it was engendered by her husband, Baron Glenn Underwood, his attempts to divorce her indicate his belief otherwise. The Truth, however, is entirely convinced that the rumours about the close relationship between Baroness Mistletoe and one Kerensky of Dareen are utterly without foundation. Perhaps the Baron is merely a cad: readers of The Truth will remember his attentions to his Chancellor, Lady Acanthus Everlight, and other women of Berium.
The Truth wishes Baroness Mistletoe a full and joyful nursery
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A Fae consultant tells us that Human-Fairy hybrids can be a bit fragile when growing up and that Mistletoe's newborn should be guarded against chills; a diet rich in cream, burdock, and flower-pollen is recommended. As a half-and-half, the babe's eyes should already be open. Wing development is anyone's guess.
Our readers may also remember Lord Borsa's dread Baby Hunt, his brutal and fruitless quest to track down the new incarnation of Nostralenia the Avatar of Evil. We at The Truth are all really hoping: a) that the Baby Hunt is
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not revived, and b) that Mistletoe's child won't be named Nostraletta Evilleo or similar.
While flowers, sweets, and baby booties are welcome gifts for the new mother and child, money is also appropriate. Go on a pilgrimage to worship them if you must, but be discreet (and careful - it's dangerous in Berium!)
Inn Sanitation Device Needs Remodeling after Necrotaur Attack
Citizens of Berium are busting to see the new sanitation facilities to be available within the next few days at the Inn of Gilthanas, formerly The Well-Hung Elf. These facilities were unfortunately badly damaged when a Necrotaur invaded the Inn at this year's Koliada festivities. As Necrotaurs are very difficult to kill without the presence of running water, it wreaked a great deal of havoc as it rampaged through the Inn, almost killing several of the residents. Luckily, through great cunning Captain Carlyn Blackhammer and Lt. Sebastian Creed drove the beast into the Inn's sanitation area - modelled after those built by the Ancient Romans, with both cold and hot running water and many other amenities - and dealt with it there.
Alas, that area of the Inn was badly damaged, and only a small part is currently functional, seriously impeding flow-through of the Inn's residents. This reporter interviewed several of a long line jammed outside the area, now waggishly labeled The Necrotaur's Pit. "You find the weirdest things in there," stated Ulric, 32, dubbed 'of the Slime'. "There's not much room there for the, um, manoevring that is, um, sometimes necessary in these matters," said another, who wished to remain nameless. Captain Carlyn, grimly eying the long line, only said: "Make it quick: he’s still down there."
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Page 5
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The Eranov Tell Tale
By Lydia Lichtenstein, A Lady
The Temple of Erana has still got a bee in it’s collective bonnet over the theft of one it’s most precious (although hideously unfashionable) relics, a necklace they claim belonged to Erana herself. Lady Alia of the Order says that efforts to retrieve the relic are “as yet unsuccessful” but has high hopes that progress will be made soon. It’s all poor management, I say, and the clear result of too much Gypsy-loving.
They’re also pursuing a spat with the Baron of Berium. The Order claims that Aitrus, the Steward of Berium and bearer of the ludicrous surname of ‘Hellbringer’, tried to do exactly that in an unprovoked attack on the Temple. He was quickly arrested by the Order’s guards, (presumably trying to show willing after they let the necklace get away) and has been in custody ever since. Aitrus has apparently been claiming insanity (well, he said that he was possessed by some kind of non(?)-demonic Orb) as his defense. The Baron, Aitrus’ patron has been trying to get his Steward released, but currently to no avail. Watch this space for updates.
And with yet another report of Berium’s residents in Eranov (can’t they go back to their Swamp? Eranov is civilised), Baron Brim, Arena Master and member of the Berium Guard, was seen sneaking through the streets with the diminutive yet buxom Danae (who is rumoured to be thinking of joining the Guard herself) asking around for a church. Has Berium’s Blonde Ballista Bolt finally bagged Baron Brim, or were they just pleased to see each other? Time will tell.
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ADVERTISEMENT
The Berium Arena seeks fighters, skilled and un to compete in its weekly tournaments. Fights may be to the death, first blood or first maiming as participants choose. Healing potions are available for a nominal fee.
The Arena also seeks worthy adversaries - find some strange creature in the Swamp that man ought not wot of? Bring it in and I'll pay a fair price.
Brought to you by
Baron Brim Hailstone
in cooperation with Baron Glenn Underwood, Heck Vestock, the Berium Mercenaries Guild and the Berium Mages Guild
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ADVERTISEMENT
Little likes a lackwit, lyric-lost, for
Wing-ing on songs or singing. We
Come away from ear-aching: Like love of
Home, we will enchant you.
The Great Southern Orchestra
The Key to Good Music is Passion
Old and new turf and sod.
Man-y key bargains: two-tenths off.
The Mighty Snail Gardening Supply House
Your Garden is a Poem? Why Stop There?
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Roll of Honour
Star Subar, Beloved of Creed, she died with her face to the flames and her sword cleaving true.
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Classifieds
WAS THAT A LESHY, a Faun, a Satyr, or a Panes?
What form of Fairy filched your fortune?
Were you terrorised by a Red-Eyes Nightmare, or the wonderfully rare Crimson-Orbed Night-Warbler?
JOIN THE GHOST-SPOTTERS CLUB AND ANWER ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE!
For a small fee, you too can receive our Club Manual detailing the thousand-fold variations of spectre, shadow beast, shade, ghost, genius locii, haunt, revenant, remembrance, nature spirit, lares, penate, petty saint ... (Now with an extra chapter detailing species of Elves and Fairies, cross-referenced with geographical location).
Ear-tag those pesky ghouls and earn a Merit Badge at the same time!
For more details, contact Enoch Bartholomew Twigg, Club Founder, or just wander down to one of our club meetings, every full moon in the Berium Graveyard. Bring salt, cold iron, silver, boots you can run in, and the holy symbol of your choice.
WANTED, one tutor in the Necromantic Arts. Standard rates, contact DP c/o The Mordavian Truth.
Credits
Scribing by Stephanie Pegg, Catherine Pegg and Ryan Paddy.
Woodcuts by www.godecookery.com and www.retrokat.com
Printed by the Hastings Amateur Assassins Association (Wellington Chapter)
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